In Ruth Haley Barton's wonderful book Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, she speaks of the practice of paying attention. She uses the story of Moses and the burning bush to illustrate the importance of awareness of God in our life. Moses was out tending his father-in-law's sheep when he saw a bush in the distance that was on fire, but not being consumed. Upon checking it out, Moses has an encounter with God, who calls him to lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt.
Earlier this year a coworker was leading me and my teammates through a devotional time using this book content. She explained how we can often be too busy in our lives to turn and look at our own burning bush moment, and shared some examples from her own life. She gave us time to sit and think about burning bush moments in our lives, and one image popped into my mind: a dumpster fire. That's a bit dramatic, I know. But it's really how I felt that day. I felt as though there could be burning bush moments in my life, but I was missing them, because dumpster fires were calling my attention away from them. (If you're not familiar with this eloquent phrase, a "dumpster fire" means a complete disaster, something very difficult that nobody wants to deal with). If I’m honest, I let my attention be taken away from wise and productive things in my day and allow myself to focus on dumpster fires. It's really no one's fault but my own. Here are a few fires from the last week: political drama on social media, a fascinating podcast about corruption in evangelicalism, an out of control email inbox that tempts me to think I’m a failure at handling the projects I’m involved in. These things steal my attention and leave me feeling jaded. These things cause me to feel disheartened to a point of depleting my motivation and joy. I’m guessing I’m not alone in this? I know that what I fill my time with has an impact on my heart and mind, but I often make what feels like the wrong choice. I consume things I find interesting and intriguing, thinking they will satisfy my curiosity, my desire for the latest news, and if I’m honest, my desire to get worked up about something that bothers me. But ultimately, those things don’t feed my soul. The dumpster fires keep me from potential burning bush moments, big or small. I have the power to choose what is better, profitable, good. I can choose to practice paying attention- not to bury my head in the sand and ignore what is going on in the world- but to use the wisdom God gives me to discern what to pay attention to and what is ok to let go of. “Brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” - Philippians 4:8 NIV
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I carefully descended the long staircase, the heels of my boots clicking on the smooth stone. After a century of use, the wear and tear on each stair step was evident. I gripped the polished wooden banister to steady myself.
How many people had descended this same staircase at First Baptist Church over many decades of ministry? I pictured Henrietta Mears, in her spectacles and Sunday hat, slowly making her way down these steps after leading her small group Bible Study. After a long hard day, did she ever question her abilities? Her calling? Was she ever as tired as I feel right now? Henrietta became a member of First Baptist Church (FBC) in Minneapolis, MN at seven, and taught her first bible class at 11. Growing up, she thought she was bound for life as an overseas missionary in China, but God had other plans. A clearly gifted teacher, she taught her Fidelis Class at FBC which grew to 3,000 attendees in a span of ten years. (Did I mention this was the 1920s!?) After her years of ministry in Minneapolis, she moved to Hollywood to serve as the Director of Christian Education at a large Presbyterian church. I'm sure Henrietta had moments of frustration and exhaustion dealing with the demands of ministry. She was single, short, and stocky, with thick glasses and a husky voice, and I imagine she didn't meet the expectations of some within early 20th century evangelicalism. I am guessing she probably didn't care. She impacted thousands of lives with the Gospel while being true to who she was and what God had called her to do, while breaking cultural stereotypes as the likely sole woman serving in church leadership among men. I can relate to Henrietta a little bit (in both appearance and experience). I have walked up and down those tall staircases many times in the last 12 years, living out my calling with Cru in our rented office space on the third floor of First Baptist Church. Some days I marched, while other days, I trudged. I have loved it, challenges and all. From time to time, I would think of Henrietta as I left at the end of the day, and be encouraged to keep pressing on. This week the Minneapolis office of Cru will move from its current home at FBC and transition to a new building space this summer. I know it's just a building, but it's where I started in ministry, and the place Henrietta got her start, too. She influenced countless women and men, some who went on to start their own ministries, including Bill Bright who founded Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru). At times, I have felt as worn as those stairs I descended every day. But as thousands of feet have shuffled up and down them, I realize it’s ok their edges are less sharp. My edges are less sharp, too. That's what happens after years of ministry. The stairs are still steady and supportive, even after all these years, because they were built on a firm foundation. This is the peculiarity of the spiritual now and not yet. We live in a space where we have begun our lives on this earth but have not yet begun to live our eternity when our true lives will begin. We hold the title of both sinner and saint...we acknowledge the longing we hold for things to be made right, a yearning for life as it was meant to be. Life is really one long advent season, a transition time from the beginning of our creation as children of God to when we fully experience life with him. We walk the road ahead, enjoying what is before us and anticipating what is ahead.
Read the full blog post on The Mudroom Blog. |
Amy WellnerEncouraging others to intentionally live out their God-given identity. Archives
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