Writing a book is like dating; you need to figure out how much you should compromise and what is non-negotiable.
It's like that game, "He's perfect, but..." If you're unfamiliar with it, you get a group of people together and start making up ridiculous scenarios, and then you have to answer whether or not you'd date/marry the person:
I could easily go on. If you're a dude that does any of those things, I'm not trying to make fun of you. These are just legitimate things that women might worry about. I went on a few dates with a guy this spring. As we got to know each other I went back and forth, and back and forth, about what was a big deal and what I could look past. I don't have many non-negotiables, but the ones I do have are rock solid and not worth compromising on. Book writing is similar. Last week I had a five minute conversation with a publisher. I had no idea I was going to get to talk with him so when it was my turn I quickly (and poorly) pitched my idea. He didn't say outright that he hated it, but he really wasn't enthused. At all. He didn't even uncross his arms during the conversation. I went home a little dejected (because of the experience, and because of the two inches of snow that had fallen unexpectedly in the middle of April). I told a few friends what happened, and I said I wasn't going to give up. But, I didn't write all week. I printed my manuscript, all 100+ pages, and it's been sitting on my desk staring at me all week. Up until this week I'd kind of been hitting my stride. A year ago I'd find myself scribbling half-formed ideas on a Starbucks napkin or scrap of paper, which then would get lost in the bottom of my purse. But lately it's become easier to write fully formed chapters from start to finish. The publisher gave me some advice, but honestly if I took it, I feel like I'm kind of compromising on my desires. In his defense, everyone and their mother wants to write a book, and I'm sure he hears all kinds of pitches, most of which are terrible. I never expected writing a book to be like dating. But in both areas you need to figure out your non-negotiables before you jump in to the deep end. (But don't jump in with your manuscript, because it will just be a mess. Wet pages never dry well. You might want to wait before jumping in to the deep end with a guy, too. Make sure he can swim first. Compared to the number of online dating profiles I've seen, lots of dudes like water sports. But if they list "water skiing" as their number one passion in life, I'm out. (Apparently, a solid answer for the "number one passion in life" question is a non-negotiable)). There's another reason writing a book is like dating; both involve vulnerability. You're putting yourself out there with no idea how the other person will respond. That's why I rarely...blog. (You thought I was going to write date, didn't you? Yeah...I was). I'm getting more comfortable letting people read what I've written. And mostly, people like it. Of course, all these people are my friends, so they are either scared to tell me they don't like it, or they are lying to me, or maybe...just maybe...it's actually good. And dating, oh.my.goodness. How scary vulnerable is that? Especially when it's someone you met online, who...I'll just leave it at that. You'll have to buy my book to hear those stories :) But there's a cool thing that comes as a result of being vulnerable with both writing and dating: you might meet someone who, upon hearing your story, says "me too!" They hear where you've been, or what you're going through now, and they get it. They understand. And hearing "me too" when you're trying to connect with someone is a beautiful thing. I guess I'll keep writing, knowing that I can't compromise my compositions. Stay tuned for more news about the book progress!
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Amy WellnerEncouraging others to intentionally live out their God-given identity. Archives
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